Funny Music Albums and Lyrics - Yogi Yorgesson

Lyrics

Yogi Yorgesson
"I Yust Go Nuts at Christmas"

Oh, I yust go nuts at Christmas 
On that yolly holiday
I'll go in da red like a knucklehead
'Cause I'll sqvander all my pay.

Oh, I yust go nuts at Christmas 
Shopping sure drives me berserk
On da day before, I'll rush in da store
Like a poor, bevillered yerk!

        I look at nightgowns for my vife;
        Dose black vones trimmed in red.
        But I don't know her size and so,
        She'll get a carpet sveeper, instead

Oh, I yust go nuts at Christmas
Vhen each kid hangs up his sock
It's a time for kids to flip their lids
Vhile their papa goes in hock

(Spoken:)
        On the night before Christmas, it's still in the house
        My family is sleeping, so I'm qviet like a mouse
        I look at my vatch, and midnight is near...
        I tink I'll sneak out for a cold glass o' beer.
        Down at the corner, the crowd is so merry
        I end up by drinking about tvelve Tom 'n' Yerry
        I get to bed late and, gee vhiz, how I'm sleeping
        Vhen, on to my bed, those darn kids they come leaping
        They sit on my face and they yump on my belly
        And I'm shiverin' all over like a bowl full of yelly
        They scream, "Merry Christmas!"  My poor vife and me
        Ve stumble downstairs and she lights up the tree
        My head is exploding;  my mouth tastes like a pickle
        I step on a skate and fall on a tricycle
        Yust before Christmas dinner, I relax to a point
        Then relatives start svarming all over tha yoint
        On Christmas, I hug and I kiss my vife's mother
        The rest of the year, ve don't speak to each other
        After dinner, my aunt and my vife's Uncle Louie
        Get into an argument;  they're both awful screwy
        The all my vife's family say Louie is right
        And my goofy relations, they yoin in the fight
        Back in the corner, the radio's playing
        And, over the racket, Gabriel Hader is saying,
        "Peace on Earth, everybody, and goodvill tovard men"
        And, yust at that moment, somevone slugs Uncle Ben
        They all run outside vhooping so the neighbors'll hear...
        Oh, I'm so glad Merry Christmas comes yust vonce a year!

(Singing:)
Oh, I yust go nuts at Christmas
But I still have lots of fun
Yust the same as you, I enyoy it, too...
Merry Christmas, everyvone!

==============================================================================

Yogi Yorgesson
"Santy Claus at the schoolhouse for the PTA"

Da PTA
Da PTA
I vas Santy Claus at the schoolhouse for the PTA

Da Parents/Teachers group they called a meeting
My vife, she says, "You have to go, my dear.
It's da big important Christmas party meeting
Vhere all da pappas who ain't sick appear."
I dozed off 'till da middle of da meeting
Vhen da chairman shouted out so all could hear:
"Mrs. Yorgessan says that her yolly husband
He vill gladly be our Santy Claus this year."
Da other poppas looked relieved and happy
They knew I'd been betrayed by my sveet vife
And I vas veak like that strong fellow Svanson
Vhen Delilah cut his hair of vith a knife

Da PTA
Da PTA
I vas Santy Claus at the schoolhouse for the PTA

(Spoken:)
        On the night of the party, I sneaked into the school
        The committee, they all met me there
        These giggling vomen are going to dress me
        And glue on my vhiskers and hair
        I got into them big red pants and black boots
        The yacket vas seven-feet vide
        Vhen I got into it, there vas STILL plenty room
        For vone good-sized reindeer to hide
        Then I valked into the school ymnasium
        The plan was that each little tyke
        Vould valk up and shake hands vith old Santy
        And tell me vhat presents they'd like
        The first kid was little Dale Millarson
        Who vanted a new kiddie car
        She patted my face vith her vet little hand
        Vhich vas half-full of varm chocolate bar
        The next kid in line vas the young Scarbough boy
        I tink that his first name vas Milo
        He's the orneriest brat in the whole darn school
        And he's built yust like a brick silo
        "Last year," he says, "you promised to bring me
        A real sharp svord and a gun,
        And all that you brought was new shoes and a coat,
        You dirty old son-of-a-gun!"
        Then he yabbed his finger right in my eye
        And I let out a heck of a groan
        And vhen he kicked my shin vith his brass-toed shoe
        I vas sure he had broken a bone!
        Then Old Man Gintorson picked his granddaughter up
        And, vhen he put her down on my lap
        His lighted cigar set my vhiskers on fire
        They started to crackle and snap
        I yumped up and made a run for the door
        As fast as my sore leg vould go
        And put out the fire in a snowbank
        And cooled off my face in the snow
        I didn't dare go back, so I hurried on home
        And closed my front door vith a slam
        And, in my own home, my dog bit me tvice
        Before he figured out who I am!
        But the kids all had a nice Christmas
        And, in spite of vhat happened, I'll still say
        I'd be Santy Claus again next Christmas
        For the good old PTA...

(Sung:)
Da PTA
Da PTA
I vas Santy Claus at the schoolhouse for the good old PTA!

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